so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
