I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
