friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
