so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
