I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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