THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
