Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
