Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
