i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
