so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
