They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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