are you still at the devil's house?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
