Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
