dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
