it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
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