weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
