i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
