I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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