You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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