fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Someone signed my nipple.
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