I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
