Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you win again, gameday.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
