Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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