Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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