My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I love you.
Bad choice
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
