A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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