Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
