I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
