i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
