Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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