when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
