she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
