totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
