I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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