i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
