I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
