i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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