he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
