So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
