So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
