And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
