Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
