you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
