It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
