This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
