I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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