You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
