So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
