I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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