My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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