the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Don't EVER smell your tampon
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
