when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Two words: blizzard sex
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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